We all gossip. Some more than others. Why do we do it? Is there a fall out and what is the cost?
Firstly let me share my take on the gossip Geiger counter. There are 3 types of gossip in my opinion. The idol gossip: the chit chat we may have about other peoples personal or private affairs. Generally harmless.It can be about someone we don’t know like a movie star or singer.This is the kind of gossip you have around the coffee machine in the morning. Whilst this gossip can often be harmless enough it is about another person none the less. The helpful gossip: this is where you might be speaking of another by way of ” how can we help them”. The intent is the differentiating factor here. Lastly is the destructive gossip or what I like to call, The Workplace Careless Whisper.
The Workplace Careless Whisper is prevalent . Why ? A number of reasons but believe poor communication skills is the main underpinning factor.
Lets start by way of communication skills. If we have an issue with someone or something that they have done, it is enticing to find a sympathetic ear and discuss the issue and your opinion of it. We feel validated, heard and so we often find another sympathetic ear to feel validated once more and ultimately make ourselves feel better. Each time we recount “the issue” it gains momentum and weight . It can threaten to take our focus and energy. You’re now on a slippery slope. We are caught in a holding pattern by recounting the scenario whilst trying to gain ground support.
What is the cost of this behavior? When you see the person you were gossiping about how do you feel? Do you feel awkward? Uncomfortable?
Usually this feeling manifests in avoidance, poor eye contact awkwardness etc. People pick up on this.Its called the 6th sense. It is where their subconscious picks up on your incongruence. You are now being inauthentic and they know it. and hence the slippery slope
Let me paint an alternative. You discuss the issue at hand with the person you have the issue with. I have coached numerous client through this. There are a few key points that will help pave the way and help you to stay on point.
1. No finger pointing ie You did this, you did that….
2.Stick to how it made you feel ie When this happened it made me feel….. Nobody can argue with how you feel, you own that.
3. Be calm
4. Listen
5. Don’t hold onto being right
6. Stick to facts not opinions
The upshot of this, you will never feel as though you never need to avoid anyone, you’ll feel authentic and when your head his the pillow at night you’ll sleep like a baby.
Cheers Tonya
PS Remember
to do no harm and help where you can